The CDC should take a sample of Keith’s hair to find a cure for the Ebola virus. Problem solved.
A relationship is like a house
If a lightbulb goes out, you don’t buy a new house, you just change the lightbulb.
Unless that house is a lying whore
Then you burn the fucker to the ground and buy a better house with lights that you can fucking count on.
This took the best possible turn.
cute things to call your girlfriend:
6. 1 tbs of butter
7. stir thoroughly
8. pour into baking pan
9. we forgot to preheat the oven to 375
why would we have to preheat her if she’s already hot
you smooth fucker